her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
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