were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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