don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize