Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
