could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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