please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
