god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
