No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
