I am spending my child support on dildos
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
