i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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