He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
