So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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