I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
