i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
