Pappa wants mamma naked
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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