The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Welp...herpes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
