i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
bring money and cleavage
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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