did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
