I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
