I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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