Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
