i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
