New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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