I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
