Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize