Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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