The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
