my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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