I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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