What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
