Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
