if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
