The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
