I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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