Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Two words: nipple clamps
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