i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
