Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
