If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
