I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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