She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
