the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
