My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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