just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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