So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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