Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
