I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
