I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
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Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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