that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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