I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
