I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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