she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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