I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
