I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
