I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
