I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
