its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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