Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dear god my vagina.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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