It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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