Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
