Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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