His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
