Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
