Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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