The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
