Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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